shenghuidai's Blog

1. Sunlight in the morning
2. Smile from a perfect strangers
3. Listening to music while traveling
4. watching the sunset and waves along the seashore
5. Singing while playing guitar
6. Reading inspirational books
7. My journal
8. the heat of the sun at the beach
9. gentle wind blows against my face
10. the laughter of my family
11. ice cream
12. brighten someone's day
13. eating sweet & sour gummy bears :D
14. my lovely long hair
15. clean smell of fabric conditioner into pillows and sheets
16. Watching the rain 
17. Bonfire with my best buddies


:D i think there's a lot of it but i forgot the others ..
So i'll keep this updated as soon as i remember
to appreciate little things like this,
to remind myself that,
it's simple things in life are the most extra ordinary...

I felt new..
I can't tell if it's a good thing or bad..
I have this feeling that I needed space and to be alone..
I barely communicate with almost everyone connected to me
I don't know what's happening..
I'm just here trying to keep silent,
In a world where everyone seems to demand an answer..

Every weekend i went home after work
while music on my ear
I'm just silently watching
everything...
Every thing seems has its own beauty 
and dancing on the same rhythm
Sometimes it makes me sad how i missed
to watch and witness 
how light and darkness touch each other
and become one..
To see and watched the tree at it's fullest bloom and beauty
to realized that it would be gone the next day...
i saw how the forces of nature tore it apart and be lifeless
i felt sad about it..
it's like telling me
"don't be sad i did my part,
that is, to make you feel at peace and happy
for awhile"
Time can really change everything for an instant..
Faster like a blink of an eye and it's all gone..
Yesterday is painful
i thought i couldn't get myself up and heal
but time really does it's magic 
My life changing and i am also keep changing..
Those pain taught me everything
that taught me how to laugh though there's turmoil inside me
to realized those chain on my foot wasn't lock after all
that it's just me who keeps me from growing..
Yes,
I will never forget how this scars came from
those painful past along with people who never treated us right 
but i have to go on and forgive..
Getting there
i've learned to smile inside..
and realized that pain were all self-inflicted..
It's like i've drunk  a poison to kill me inside slowly but not them...
I have to forgive them and myself
for allowing them to hurt me..
true
time can really tell
and it's all up to us..

I learned that
sometimes there's things are better not to see 
because you already know what you will find out..
Stop hurting yourself..
sometimes there's things are better left unsaid
and
not all the things in life should be understood..
Just accept...
Live life to the fullest
put a smile on your face everyday
Because you never know who might needed that the most on you..
it's good to see
that every person who walks on your path 
giving you the same smile you gave them..:)
it's an inexpensive gift in life you'll receive from different people..


 

stop for awhile
and do nothing
or travel to places 
and let your mind wander..
Watch the horizon from afar
and observe the details of almost everything 
that lay your eyes on
Realizing how small you are
but how big you can dream 
and accomplish with your both hands..
Let your soul hush now,
Feel the wind 
let it blow away
the dust from your heart..
face the sunlight
and let the dark shadows from the past
left behind..
Sometimes,
After all the effort you been through
you started to give up and look ahead
and
carry yourself go on with nothing..
Just yourself and imaginary handbag 
of fake courage and hope..
Never look behind 
focus on what's ahead of you now
Life's uncertainties 
sometimes taught us
to loved what we have now
and lived like death is always on the way..

blank,
empty,
like a fool
asking yourself but
knows the answers to your questions..
You stepped outside 
and set your soul aside
because you assumed it won't 
leave you behind..
You shout for your own soul
and called it a thousand times 
but it's nowhere to be found..
You tried to look back 
and search for it
because you realized 
you couldn't live without it...
Maybe, it's trapped somewhere
or worst,
it's hiding from you

So many days had passed 
i wonder what i have missed..
But life has a lot of disappointments 
and i could never retrieved what was already gone
It's like staring at a closed door waiting to open
that i might probably missed the ones that opened up for me..
Time ticking and every seconds counts..
I could never say that i wouldn't regret it 
Because a part of me saying "i don't regret it"
but i know i will in the end...
How i wish
I can undo what i have done but i can't 
and i thanked god because i am not perfect 
and if i am i will never learned things like this..

I tried but i guess i couldn't leave my soul behind..
No matter what people say or do
i cannot fool myself..
No matter how hard you tried to run from all of this 
it won't go away..
I could feel and see it through the eyes of others..
it's like hiding from your shadows..
You have no choice but to face it rather than hide in darkness
and  take the pain for a very long time
Maybe it's worth it after all..
No, it's not giving up but instead it's standing up to face my own fears..
I for sure can encounter a lot of falling down and trials
but i know it's part of life's lesson to be strong and
learned not to make the same mistakes again
I will try my best not to let myself be lost and be confused again
because of unnecessary expectations from others...
It's a waste of so much time..
Because
Life is too short to be sad and miserable..

Inspirational qoutes i can relate to...
As you think so shall you be! Since you cannot physically experience another person, you can only experience them in your mind. Conclusion: All of the other people in your life are simply thoughts in your mind. Not physical beings to you, but thoughts. Your relationships are all in how you think about the other people of your life. Your experience of all those people is only in your mind. Your feelings about your lovers come from your thoughts. For example, they may in fact behave in ways that you find offensive. However, your relationship to them when they behave offensively is not determined by their behavior, it is determined only by how you choose to relate to that behavior. Their actions are theirs, you cannot own them, you cannot be them, you can only process them in your mind.

Time is running fast.. I'm wondering what's really going on.. Do i really know what's going on with me? If yes, why do i feel that the more i've learned the less i know.. Maybe, it's true that whenever we're happy we think the person we loved but on those times when we're hurt we only think those people who loved us.. Sad but true most of the time.. It's so much easier to help other people rather than yourself..

Hanging in the air,
I could feel the warm breeze coming from somewhere..
I have doubts but i still call them and let them come 
I open doors from possibilities and face my own fear..
I wanted to learn and explore other things in this life
Because life is too short to let it pass me by..
Though i don't feel anything,
but i don't want to make the same mistakes either..
Take chances and see how far i could go now..
I'm living in the present
No past, no future just now
because i know everything will follows.

I never thought i could go on and face life with bruises in my soul and chains on my foot
and learned to leave all behind without guilt and doubts.
I never thought i could manage to smile in front of people who keeps
provoking me to get mad but instead
i see them in different light and respect them.
I looked at them as a challenge on my path for me to be sharp and learned from them...
I never thought
i could forgive someone who've hurt me in the past 
without forgetting what they have done..
i never thought i could  remain silent and calm with wounds that never stop bleeding inside...
I felt weary because of dust of repeated mistakes in the past
but i'm here standing on my ground without intending to hurt anyone..
I never thought i could transform hate, madness and anger into love.
I searched for love but i failed to find it because before i felt like there's something wrong with me
then i realized i should "love" myself first before i learn to give it to others..
Until i do
and i'm beginning to see love everywhere even in simplest things in life.


I'm willing to love everything that will going to happen in my life from now on...
Because if i don't nobody will.

people come and go
in our lives..
But still we have to go on 
even if it hurts you...
it doesn't matter what now 
who's right or wrong..
What matters is there's a good memories to remember...
I've realized there's people meant to passed us by 
and leave us with pain and hatred but
the good thing is we've learned something from them 
even if it's good or bad..
We still have to move on and forgive..
I don't believe that we can forget our past
all i know is we can forgive and let go..
I never forget all the bad things that people done to me 
but i could forgive and accept..
That's the only way to move ahead in life...

 I am what i'm not


I smile while in pain


I cried in the dark hiding my hatred...


I'm indecisive and confused


I'm with people who loved me 


whom i showed nothing but


cruelty and disgust..


I'm ungrateful, Yes i am


I'm not proud of it


but still i admit...


I showed no mercy 


for the people i loved


and to myself..


I need help but 


i didn't ask for it.


Yes, i'm aware


i deserve punishment but still,


why God?


You've showed me so much love 


i think i don't deserve...


I could have almost all the things i've wanted


but i've craved for more..


I'm evil


yet, i feel you almost everywhere i turn


I know you're holding me 


while i'm sleeping and running away in my dreams..


You've showed me how


beautiful this world


but i responded with hate and sadness...


I'm afraid


yes, i am..


I fear of you 


that what if one day 


you'll left me too..


I am what i am but still you 


accepted me for who i am..